2006...

I hope you bring us all peace, harmony and inspiration.

Thank you to everyone that left a little something in my life through their comments, understanding and humour.

I think 2006 is going to be a special year for us all.

.

Christmas_2am

The moon was low and a beautiful yellow. Don't ask why I was standing in the yard photographing the moon at 2am on Christmas morning... doesn't everyone!

Oh, so pretty, he stands above me. I look, until he turns my way, and my eyes dart away, until a glance shows it is safe to seek him out again with my eyes, my imagination.

So pretty, broad and lean, and that look in his eyes that he might have a mischievous nature, but really, does it matter? I can make him whatever I choose; Italian beauty, worship me, in my mind.

When you cut yourself off from intimacy so much that fantasy is your only outlet, then why limit yourself? Do I know how that makes me sound, the company I would keep, fantasisers all? So be it. What else is there for me?

Look at me with that hint of a smile in your eyes and I can etch out limitless imagined moments and touches.

And then I see the pigeons rutting on the roof above your head, and the bluntness of those thrusts tear away my webs of fantasy, and I land with a thud.

And sitting here watching the world go by, it suddenly dawns on me that, all this time, the world could well have been watching me. Except that, just like me, everyone in this square is caught up in their own story.

A story that seems so overly dramatic as to be laughable. But they wouldn’t laugh, these strutting boy-men. Their lives are very serious, don’t you know. Every step, every crease, carefully chosen, carefully trimmed, carefully shaven. Splash on the fragrance, work on the biceps, posture with the phone, hair gelled precisely.

And the testosterone seeps into the concrete, the pores of the paint… walk into this microcosm that screams sex in a pitch so high we just hear the hum. The perfect families lunching in the square are just extras in this drama, played out every day.

This is a serious business. It shouldn’t be laughable to the likes of me. Maybe they ‘get it’, whatever ‘it’ is, that thing that I don’t grasp. Because whatever the point is, I don’t see it.

How can I, when my eyes keep trying to slide back up for one more glimpse of someone who, I suspect, probably gets the point as well. But when you’re an Italian beauty, casually yet intensely beautiful in your skin in a way these boy-men will never be, maybe the point is clear.

However, a little like this post, the point still eludes me.

Winner of the Inaugural "Derr Fred" Award

I'm hanging my head in shame.

I cannot believe it.

I thought noone loved me.

(In actual fact, I had you all locked up in a moderation cell, awaiting release. I didn't even know I HAD a moderation cell for naughtly little comments.)

Thank you to rat for pointing it out.

You are all free to mingle, drink, and generally carouse, but please, smoke out on the balcony, and don't flick your cigarettes onto the foot traffic below.

Just in from a sweaty, bouncy, ear muffling night out.

On the spur of the moment during the week I got myself a ticket to see The Mess Hall. I'd missed out on seeing them a month or so ago when they supported Wolfmother and I was keen, and seeing as they were playing at The Annandale, which is a leisurely walk from my place... well I had no excuse, did I.

And boy, am I glad I went. I know at my age I should be over band crushes, but *swoon*, does Jed Kurzel (the vocalist) do it for me, or what. And I had a fantastic spot, up on a step, so I could see over the top of the crowd. It is one of the few times that it is good to be both tallish and solid as the proverbial outhouse... plus knowing how to stand my ground, even when the little whiney waiflike blondes are crawling all over their boyfriends and trying to push me across. Not going to happen, cupcake. So fuck off. *said with a smile* a smile of pure evil

Besides, once I get started with my vertical epilectic fit (my version of dancing), they seemed less inclined to want to get too close. Smart call girls.

Oh, and if you ever find yourself alone in a crowd, and feeling a bit intimidated physically, just remember: Australian men won't think twice about stepping back onto your feet, into your boobs, but if you're holding a beer! Well, that space around you suddenly becomes sacred.

So, the big thumbs up for the band, I had a ball, and I have that wonderful "cotton wool in the ears" effect that is a sign of a great night out. What? WHAT? Yeah... a great night.

Chill

Life is rather pleasant at the moment. I'm not working for a couple of weeks and am taking the opportunity to relax and... well, relax!

Life is a gentle routine of sleep, reading blogs, going to the gym, playing (or a twanging sound that is my closest approximation as yet to playing) the guitar, and more sleep. Plus the occassional lunch or drinks. The lunch last week was beautiful, overlooking Darling Harbour, fantastic food and wine, and conversation that turned to nappy fetishists. You couldn't ask for more!

Tonight, in line with my 'Don't Say No' challenge, I have accepted an invite to drinks at the studio I where I occassionally still work. It should be pleasant, although my favourite people still working there are currently on holidays. And I'm sitting here, wondering if it is prudent to blonde my hair a few shades an hour before going out. I guess if it turns out dreadful I can pike on the drinks.

Is anyone else in a complete state of denial that it is less than a fortnight until Christmas?

Slack Hooch

It's been one of those strange times where I've wanted to post, but everything I've felt I'd like to write seemed to need more effort and time than I had at hand, so it slid. And slid.

Things I've thought about?

I gave myself a mini challenge. I had to accept every invitation I received, unless work was a conflict. I've tried to follow up with that as best I could. Of course, I then went and made a tool of myself at a bbq by drinking more than I'd realised, too quickly, and was sick as a dog. Nice entertainment for the others, I'm sure (cringe factor 11/10).

I have been invited to a nice Christmas lunch this week with the people who I've been working with, so that will be nice, and then again another Christmas lunch in a few weeks. That one will be rather scary, as it has been arranged as a get together for a whole group of freelancers in a variety of fields who normally don't get included in Christmas 'do's. I will know three people there, but am not close to anyone in particular. Ah well, I did say I wanted to get out of my comfort zone a little and mix with people.

My other 'out of my comfort' thing that I've done... I joined a gym on Friday. I have a plan and I intend on sticking with it. There are so many things I want to do, but I have to be realistic and say that at my current fitness level, I won't achieve them. So I am going to get fit again. (See how I ignored all the conflicting body image hang ups that could easily swallow me up in a giant selfcombusting ball?)

Work is quiet now. Dead quiet. But I'm being positive and looking at it as perfect timing to start working out while the gym is quiet during the day. It lessens the intimidation factor a little when there are no other people there. Should I worry about lack of work. Maybe, but I have some cheques due in, so I'm not going to starve this week. And who knows what is around the corner.

Guitar is going well (although I discovered that alcohol does not alleviate my performance anxiety, it just causes me to forget what I was playing. (Cringe factor 4/10))

So... that's the condensed version I guess.

I shan't leave it so long next time.